Difference between a Cat's and Dog's Diary

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
 
8:00 am - Dog food!  My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride!  My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park!  My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch!   My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard!  My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!  My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones!  My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball!  My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people!  My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!   My favorite thing!
    
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
 
Day 983 of my captivity.
 
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nugget.
 
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
 
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
 
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
 
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
 
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.   
I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
 
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.
 

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