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Showing posts from June, 2010

Missing husband

Missing Husband

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!http://www.eposvriende.comTo join for  pictures, wallpapers, send a message to:  eposvriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.comOr visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eposvriende/ Om aan te sluit vir prente, fotos, stuur ‘…

Oor LEWE en DOODGAAN

Laasnag, in die kuierkamer, sit ek en my vrou en praat oor lewe, en oor doodgaan.As 'n mediese praktisyn, het ek geldige en etiese redes hoekom ek vaste oortuigings het oor seker dinge.

Net om seker te maak dat sy weet hoe ek daaroor voel, neem ek haar hand, kyk haar in die oë en verduidelik ek dit kort en saaklik:

"Skat, moet asseblief nie probeer om my aan die lewe te hou, as ek soos 'n 'vegetable' daar lê,
geheel en al afhanklik van masjiene en elektroniese toerusting en vloeistowwe uit bottels nie.Ek vra jou nou, as ek in so 'n toestand is en nie meer vir myself kan besluite neem nie, dan sal ek eerder wil sterf."

Toe staan my vrou van die bank af op, met 'n uitsonderlike uitdrukking van bewondering op haar gesig...
 en diskonnekteer die TV, die DSTV, die Dish, die DVD, die PC,sy vat my selfoon, die iPod, en die Xbox, en toe gaan sy yskas toe en gooi die brandewyn en die whiskey en al my bier in die wasbak se drein …

The Painter

THE PAINTERAuthor UnknownOnce upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course under disciple hood of a great painter. This young artist decided to assess his skills of skills so he decided to give his best strokes on the canvass. He took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery.Suddenly an idea flashed in his mind and he decided to display it on a busy street-square of that small town he was resident of. He wanted people's opinion about his calibre and painting skills.He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below a board which read-"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake."While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs(crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting.Disheartened and broken compl…

That guy knew 4 languages

A European pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him."Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.The guy drives off frustrated. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.""What for?" asks the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."A man takes his seat in the theater, but he is too far from the screen.He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a big tip."The usher moves him into the front row, and the man rewards him with a measly quarter.The usher looks at his tip for a second and then leans over to whisper to the man, &q…

I am seriously ill. I have Lethologica.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
I have a serious case of Lethologica, that is for sure.
This would go a last faster here at www.eposvriende.com if I did have a case of the Lethologica’s. haha

Lightning strikes the Empire States Building about seven times a year.

 When the slot machine area of a Las Vegas casino was infused heavily with a pleasant scent, revenues shot up by 53%

The material to build the Taj Mahal was brought in from various parts of India by a fleet of 1000 elephants.

 One man notched up 104 bigamous marriages in 15 countries between 1949 and 1981. He was sentenced in 1983 to 34 years in prison and died in 1991.

Dieting can cause bad breath since less saliva is produced which leads to dry mouth.

Studies show that couples that smoke during the time of conception have a higher chance of having a girl compared to couples that do not smoke.

It took engineers 22 years to design the zipper.

At any particu…

Odd news storie - Johannesburg - The star newspaper

Odd Stories From The WorldJOHANNESBURG - Even a chicken, which has for months avoided becoming road kill on a Johannesburg intersection, can't escape the crime-ridden city's crooks.Under a front-page headline "Murder most fowl," The Star newspaper lamented the demise of the "plucky black hen" as a cruel reflection of society in South Africa.The semi-wild chicken had dodged intersection traffic for months, but was lured across the road to her death by a trail of breadcrumbs laid out by a friendly traffic-light newspaper seller. But it was trap!The newspaper seller was being held at knifepoint by two hungry crooks intent on a chicken meal."The streetwise chicken met her match," said The Star.http://www.eposvriende.comTo join forNews that is Funny, Interesting or Weird, send an e-mail to: news-funny-weird-subscribe@yahoogroups.comOr Visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/news-funny-weirdOm aan te sluit vir Nuus wat Laf, Interessant of Weird is, stuur ‘n…

Diary of the Bible

Diary Of The Bible
(Author Unknown)

Note: This would be funny if it weren't so sadly true.

January
A busy time for me. Most of the family decided to read me through this year. They kept me busy for the first two weeks. They have forgotten me now.

February
Clean up time. I was dusted yesterday and put in my place. My owner did use me for a few minutes last week. He had been in an argument and was looking up some references.

March
I had a busy day the first of the month. My owner was appointed leader of something and used me. I got to go to church services for the first time this year, Easter Sunday.

April
Grandpa visited us. He kept me on his lap for an hour reading 1 Cor 13. He seems to think more of me than he once did.

May
I have a few green stains on my pages. Had some early spring flowers pressed in me.

June
I look like a scrap book. They have stuffed me full of clippings from the newspaper. One of the girls got married.

July
They put me in a suitcase today. I guess we …

Appels

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional salesconvention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would behome in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner.In their rush, with tickets and brief-cases, one of these salesmeninadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of baskets ofapples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, theyall managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missedboarding. All but one. Hepaused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, andexperienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand hadbeen overturned.He told his buddies to go on without him, waved goodbye, told one ofthem to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination andexplain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminalwhere the apples were all over the terminal floor.He was glad he did.The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tearsrunning down her cheeks in frustrati…

Worldcup Security Brief

Yesterday afternoon I attended the World Cup security brief held at the Consular section and presented by Mr Aubrey Pieters. Those of you who have attended the security courses at the BHC when you first arrived will be aware of his pedigree and his background as an independent security advisor. It was an interesting brief which was well received by both the black and the white faces in the audience. Due to the large number of Police (SAPS) that will be required to actually police the event, the criminals and the security advisors are aware that the World Cup period is going to be like another holiday period for the criminal fraternity. The SAPS will be concentrating on the areas most frequented by visitors/tourists. These will be at the Football stadiums, the Fan parks, ORT airport, hotels in the cities and the routes to the stadiums. This leaves the criminals to have a free run at the suburbs! The criminals are fully aware of this too. They understand that the reaction time for SAPS …

Mini PC

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ViewSonic has announced U.S. availability for its new handy VOT125 mini-PC. Coming with a quartet of ultra-low-voltage processor options from Intel to help cut down on power draw and benefiting from Windows 7 Home Premium, its petite dimensions may well see the unit being squeezed into the tightest nook of limited home and office space.ViewSonic is obviously hoping to tap into the eco-friendly home/business computing market, as they note that the VOT125 "uses up to 90 percent less plastic and consumes up to 90 percent less energy than traditional tower PCs."Making room for the teeny 1.5 x 5.1 x 4.5 inch unit shouldn't pose too much of a problem, but the inclusion of a VESA monitor mount offers the possibility of a totally PC-free working area.http://www.eposvriende.comTo join forNews that is Funny, Interesting or Weird, send an e-mail to: news-funny-weird-subscribe@yahoogroups.comOr Visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/news-funny-weirdOm aan te sluit vir Nuus wat Laf, Int…

Parking problems

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.  Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.  Forgive us our trespasses.'When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with thisnote: I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.  Lead us not into temptation.'www.eposvriende.com