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Showing posts from April, 2016

Aging gracefully

Aging gracefully1.  I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.People move out of the way much faster now!

2.  You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That's common sense leaving your body.

3.  I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

4.  I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

5.  I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.  I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

6.  Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...

7.  I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!

8.  Old age is coming at a really bad time!

9.  When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

10.  The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

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Wisdom

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When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less, I needn't hold my tummy in to wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older, I've set my body free; There's comfort of elastic where once my waist would be.
Inventor of high-heeled shoes my feet have not forgiven; I used to wear a six,
Now I wear a seven.


And how about those blasted tights -- They're sized by weight, you see, So how come when I put them on the crotch is at my knee?
I need to wear these glasses as the print's been getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to grey and my skin no longer fits, On the inside, I'm the same old me, the outside's changed a bit.





But, on a positive note...
I've learned that no matter what happens,or how bad it seems today, life does go on,and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and t…

The In-Laws

Read First!!*Husband and wife were on safari*
  Wife :  “If that cheetah catches that deer and kills it, I'm going to be   absolutely heartbroken!”
  Husband :  “That's nature. Don't go against it. TheCheetah has to kill it to  eat and survive.”
  Wife :  “Do something..!!!”
  Husband : “ What can I do?”
  Wife : “ If the deer dies I'll call my mother and make her stay with us for   the rest of our lives!!!”Now watch the video...

Ramblings of A Retired Mind

Ramblings of A Retired Mind

I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today?"
I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond to that.   

Am I getting to be that age?

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has one clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was also thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

When people come over and see…

9 Important things to remember

#9   Death is the number 1 killer in the world.    #8   Life is sexually transmitted.     #7   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.     #6   Men have 2 motivations:  hunger and hanky panky - and they can't tell them apart.        If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.     #5   Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet        and he won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.   #4   Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.     #3   All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.   #2   In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird,         and people take Prozac to make it normal.     #1   Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.                         Don't ignore this message. This is your only warning. http://lekkerresp…

God's Plan For Aging - Cute

Most seniors never get enough exercise.   In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.    Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they woulddrop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.  And God looked down and saw that it was good.    Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.   God looked down and saw that it was good. So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. http://lekkerrespte.blogspot.com Afrikaans recipes on blogspothttp://english-recipes.blogspot.com  English recipes on blogspothtttp://eposvriende.blogspot.com  ePosVriende Bl…