Thursday, April 7, 2016

Ramblings of A Retired Mind

Ramblings of A Retired Mind
 
I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today?"
I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond to that.   
 
Am I getting to be that age?

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has one clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.
 
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was also thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

When people come over and see the cats' litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'  Just  once  I want to answer,  'No, it's for company!'

Employment application forms always have the question: Who should be called in case of an emergency.  I think the answer should be: an ambulance!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me:  they are cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.     
 
Birds of a feather flock together and then poo on your car.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: the Roman numeral for forty (40) is XL.

The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's in real trouble.

Aging:  eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their personal "odometers."  Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way - I've travelled  a long way and a lot of the roads weren't paved.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Ahhh, Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

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