Posts

Showing posts from August, 2010

Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words:  "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."


All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful.www.eposvriende.com

The Value of a Drink

Image
The Value of a Drink
'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
About the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
And dreams .
If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
Of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their
Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
Happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
Going to feel all day. '

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~…

AAN N PRAGTIGE VRIENDIN

Aan al die pragtige vriendinne in my lewe... 'n Goeie vriendin is soos 'n rekenaar:
- Sy "enter" jou lewe,
- "forward" jou probleme in gebed na God,
- "add" blydskap in jou lewe,
- "shift" jou na hoër hoogtes
- "save" jou in haar hart
- "delete" jou nooit in haar "memory" nie
en jy kan doodeenvoudig net nie sonder haar klaar kom nie! www.eposvriende.com

A Note on the Door

A Note on the Door ~

I stopped to knock upon her door
And found the words she wrote,
The lonely words were scrawled
Across the saddest little note.

"Please come in, it's lonely here,
So lonely since you've gone..."
The words were written childishly,
Though she was ninety-one…

That little piece of paper
Taped upon her door,
Reminded me implicitly
What we are all here for…

So every day, I go and knock
And stay with her awhile,
I sit a spell and listen well,
And relish her sweet smile.

Who she had in mind that day,
I'll never really know
But I feel blessed, just to come
And watch our friendship grow…

Sharon Frye
© 2003 Heroes of the Hearthttp://www.eposvriende.comVisit ePosVriende to join any/all of our groups.Or simply send an e-mail to johanna4-541470@autocontactor.com  to receive the list in your inbox.

Man found Marinating his cat

A pet owner who allegedly marinated his cat in oils and peppers, intending to eat it, has been arrested on charges of animal cruelty.

Police found four-year-old Navarro in a cage, his fur covered with oil, crushed red peppers and chilli peppers, in the boot of 51-year-old Gary Korkuc's car.

The animal was discovered when traffic officers pulled Korkuc over for failing to stop at a stop sign in Buffalo, New York.

"The cat appeared to be marinating in it," a police spokesman said.

Korkuc then reportedly told officers he was punishing his cat for being ill tempered - and told them he planned to cook the cat.I will be ill tempered as well with him as a owner, I’m sure.http://www.eposvriende.comVisit ePosVriende to join any/all of our groups.Or simply send an e-mail to johanna4-276222@autocontactor.com  to receive the list in your inbox.

Makes u think!

Image
People who do lots of work...
        make lots of mistakes

People who do less work...
        make less mistakes

People who do no work...
        make no mistakes

People who make no mistakes...
        gets promoted

That's why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work



        I need a promotion !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The auction

This is an “old” e-mail that has done the rounds many times before, but just in case someone out there missed it……A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.  A few months later the father received a package in the mail with a note - "You do not know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life.He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.  During my recovery in the hospital I thought about your son and wanted you to have this."The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the…

The man collecting the cans

[Forwarded by a grif.net factory worker]  I work in a major US factory. We make refrigerators. Four thousand, five hundred new refrigerators every day- but this focus is on one man who works in this huge factory. I've seen him around for years but never paid much attention. He always seemed just a little odd. A little short.  A little ...scruffy.  Always the same old red ball cap. And always a garbage bag in one hand. He walks around this big old factory on his work breaks and on his lunch time collecting aluminum cans. Day after day, month after month, on hot days and cold days. Over the years I've followed him as he walked to his old pickup truck on the coldest day with snow blowing and everyone with their collars turned up and their hands in their pockets. He would be there with a 40 gallon garbage bag full of aluminum cans. He'd toss it into the back of his truck and jump in and I'd reach my car and jump in and we'd all race to the exit of this big half empty p…

I hate my job day

When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'
[Even if you're retired,You sometimes have those days]

Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacyand go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer madeby Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home,   Lock your doors,

Draw
 the curtains and disconnect   the phoneSo you will not be disturbed. 

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface
so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins


Take out the literature from the box and read   it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement:



"Every Rectal
Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Is   personallytested and then sanitized."


Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,

' I am so …

The Purpose Of A Dog

A Dog's Purpose?   (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-oldIrish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered…

Wonderlike-dag!

Dikwels het jy so baie werk,Jy word vanuit alle oorde bestook,Dikwels is die pad so moeilik,Dan lyk die heuwels onoorkombaar, ook.Maar onthou dat die heuwels wat voor jou lêNooit so styl is as wat hulle lykMet geloof in jou hart moet jy begin,En klim tot jy Jou droom bereik.Want niks wat die moeite werd isIs ooit te moeilik om te vermagSolank jy die moed het om te poogEn die geloof om elke dag te gloGeloof is immers 'n mag baie groterAs kennis, krag of bekwaamheidEn menige stryd word oorwinAs jy net vertrou op God se wysheid.Want geloof kan enige berg versitEn daar is niks te moeilik vir HomBegin dus vandag met geloof in jou hartEn klim tot jou drome waar word.Mag jy 'n Wonderlike dag hê.