Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Missing husband

Missing Husband

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed


Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy


Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed


Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black


Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly


Inspector: Was somebody with him ?

 

Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.

 

The woman started crying
Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!

 

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  pictures, wallpapers, send a message to:  eposvriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eposvriende/

 Om aan te sluit vir prente, fotos, stuur ‘n e-pos aan: Afrikaans-ePosVriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Afrikaans-ePosVriende/

 

 

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Oor LEWE en DOODGAAN

Laasnag,

in die kuierkamer, sit ek en my vrou en praat oor lewe, en oor doodgaan.

 

As 'n mediese praktisyn, het ek geldige en etiese redes hoekom ek vaste oortuigings het oor seker dinge.    

  Net om seker te maak dat sy weet hoe ek daaroor voel, neem ek haar hand, kyk haar in die oë en verduidelik ek dit kort en saaklik:
 
"Skat, moet asseblief nie probeer om my aan die lewe te hou, as ek soos 'n 'vegetable' daar lê,

geheel en al afhanklik van masjiene en elektroniese toerusting en vloeistowwe uit bottels nie.

Ek vra jou nou, as ek in so 'n toestand is en nie meer vir myself kan besluite neem nie, dan sal ek eerder wil sterf."
 
Toe staan my vrou van die bank af op, met 'n uitsonderlike uitdrukking van bewondering op haar gesig...

 en diskonnekteer die TV, die DSTV, die Dish, die DVD, die PC, sy vat my selfoon, die iPod, en die Xbox,

en toe gaan sy yskas toe en gooi die brandewyn en die whiskey en al my bier in die wasbak se drein af!  


 EK WAS AMPER DOOD...

 

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  pictures, wallpapers, send a message to:  eposvriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eposvriende/

 Om aan te sluit vir prente, fotos, stuur ‘n e-pos aan: Afrikaans-ePosVriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Afrikaans-ePosVriende/

 

 

 


 
 

 

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Painter

THE PAINTER

Author Unknown

 

 

Once upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course under disciple hood of a great painter.

This young artist decided to assess his skills of skills so he decided to give his best strokes on the canvass. He took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery.

 

 

Suddenly an idea flashed in his mind and he decided to display it on a busy street-square of that small town he was resident of.

He wanted people's opinion about his calibre and painting skills.

 

 

He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below a board which read-"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece.

Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake."

 

 

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs

(crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting.

 

 

Disheartened and broken completely he ran to his master's place and burst into tears.

Sobbing and crying inconsolably he told his master about what happened and showed the pathetic state of his creation which was filled with marks everywhere.

Such was the state that colours were not visible, only things one could see were crosses and correction remarks.

 

 

This young artist was breathing heavily and master heard him saying "I'm useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming a painter.

People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying"

 

 

Master smiled and suggested "My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt a flawless painting."

Young disciple couldn't believe it and said "I have lost faith in me and I don't think I am good enough. Don't make false hopes..

 

 

"Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work." Master interrupted him.

 

 

"Just paint exactly similar painting once again for me and give it to me.

Will you do that for your master?" Master instructed.

 

 

Young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later early morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master.

Master took that gracefully and smiled.

 

 

"Come with me." master said.

 

 

They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place.

Now master took out another board which read –

"Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc.

I have put a box with colours and brushes just below.

Please do a favour.

If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it."

Master and disciple walked back home.

 

 

They both visited the place same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that actually there was not a single correction done so far.

But master wasn't satisfied as yet and he told his disciple

"May be one day was too little a time for people to come up with ideas and take out time out of their busy schedules to correct it so let us keep it here for one more day.

Tomorrow is Sunday, so we can expect some corrections coming in."

 

 

Next day again they visited and found painting remained untouched.

They say the painting was kept there for a month for no correction came in!

 

 

It is easier to criticize, but difficult to improve.

 

Also, always remember not to get carried away or judge yourself by someone else's criticism and feel depressed as you are the best judge to judge yourself.

Take Criticism in your stride, consider those which are genuine and implement those which you think is the best to improve you as a person!!

 

 

To join for Inspirational  e-mails, send a message to:  Inspiration-ePosVriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com 

Or visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Inspiration-ePosVriende

Om aan te sluit vir Inspireerende boodskappe, stuur ‘n e-pos aan:  inspirasie-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/inspirasie

If you join the Afrikaans groups, you will receive the English e-mails as well.

No need to join both groups.

 

 

Friday, June 11, 2010

That guy knew 4 languages

A European pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.

The two Americans just stare at him.

 

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.

The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

Still nothing.

 

The guy drives off frustrated.

The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

 

"What for?" asks the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

 

 

 

 

 

A man takes his seat in the theater, but he is too far from the screen.

 

He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a big tip."

 

The usher moves him into the front row, and the man rewards him with a measly quarter.

 

The usher looks at his tip for a second and then leans over to whisper to the man, "the wife did it."

 

 

 

www.eposvriende.com

 

 

I am seriously ill. I have Lethologica.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
I have a serious case of Lethologica, that is for sure.
This would go a last faster here at www.eposvriende.com if I did have a case of the Lethologica’s. haha

Lightning strikes the Empire States Building about seven times a year.

 When the slot machine area of a Las Vegas casino was infused heavily with a pleasant scent, revenues shot up by 53%
   
The material to build the Taj Mahal was brought in from various parts of India by a fleet of 1000 elephants.

 One man notched up 104 bigamous marriages in 15 countries between 1949 and 1981. He was sentenced in 1983 to 34 years in prison and died in 1991.

Dieting can cause bad breath since less saliva is produced which leads to dry mouth.
   
Studies show that couples that smoke during the time of conception have a higher chance of having a girl compared to couples that do not smoke.

It took engineers 22 years to design the zipper.

At any particular time, there are approximately 1,800 thunderstorms occurring in the Earth's atmosphere.

 Mango peel contains urushiol, the same chemical found in poison ivy / sumac / oak.
Since the skin reaction is an allergic one, people may develop progressively stronger reactions after repeated exposures.

 Ketchup was once used as a medicine in the United States.
 In the 1830's it was sold as Dr. Miles Compound Extract  of Tomato.

On May 9, 1999 approximately 600,000 gallons of whiskey flowed into the Kentucky River during a fire at Wild  Turkey Distillery in Lawrenceburg.

 As a kid, Elvis suffered from a family affliction, sleepwalking! He'd stopped by the time he reached full adulthood.
As an adult, Elvis could sleep on cue which would become of paramount importance in his hectic professional life.
   
 Although the outsides of a bone are hard, they are generally light and soft inside.
They are about 75% water.

 

 

The PPS will be send out via the PPS group.

English: To receive PPS & Video clips send a message to eposvriende2-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eposvriende2

Om aan te sluit vir PPS in Afrikaans, stuur ‘n e-pos aan:  pps-afrikaans-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pps-afrikaans/

 

 

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Odd news storie - Johannesburg - The star newspaper

Odd Stories From The World

 

JOHANNESBURG - Even a chicken, which has for months avoided becoming road kill on a Johannesburg intersection, can't escape the crime-ridden city's crooks.

 

Under a front-page headline "Murder most fowl," The Star newspaper lamented the demise of the "plucky black hen" as a cruel reflection of society in South Africa.

 

The semi-wild chicken had dodged intersection traffic for months, but was lured across the road to her death by a trail of breadcrumbs laid out by a friendly traffic-light newspaper seller. But it was trap!

 

The newspaper seller was being held at knifepoint by two hungry crooks intent on a chicken meal.

 

"The streetwise chicken met her match," said The Star.

 

 

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  News that is Funny, Interesting or Weird, send an e-mail to: news-funny-weird-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or Visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/news-funny-weird

Om aan te sluit vir Nuus wat Laf, Interessant of Weird is, stuur ‘n e-pos aan: snaaks-subscribe@yahoogroups.com  

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/snaaks

 

 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Diary of the Bible

 
Diary Of The Bible
(Author Unknown)

 
Note: This would be funny if it weren't so sadly true.
 
January
A busy time for me. Most of the family decided to read me through this year. They kept me busy for the first two weeks. They have forgotten me now.

 
February
Clean up time. I was dusted yesterday and put in my place. My owner did use me for a few minutes last week. He had been in an argument and was looking up some references.

 
March
I had a busy day the first of the month. My owner was appointed leader of something and used me. I got to go to church services for the first time this year, Easter Sunday.

 
April
Grandpa visited us. He kept me on his lap for an hour reading 1 Cor 13. He seems to think more of me than he once did.

 
May
I have a few green stains on my pages. Had some early spring flowers pressed in me.

 
June
I look like a scrap book. They have stuffed me full of clippings from the newspaper. One of the girls got married.

 
July
They put me in a suitcase today. I guess we are off on vacation. I wish I could stay at home, as I will have to stay in this thing for a month.

 
August
Still in the suitcase.

 
September
Back home again and in my old place. Have a lot of company. Two "True Stories" and four "Funny Books" are on top of me. I wish I could be read as much as they are.

 
October
They used me a little today. One of them is very sick. Right now I am shined up and in the center of the table. I think the preacher is coming.

 
November
Back in my old place. Was asked today if I was a scrap book.

 
December
They are getting ready for Christmas, so I'll be covered under wrapping paper and packages.


 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  Christian e-mails, send a message to:  Christian-ePosVriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Christian-ePosVriende

Om aan te sluit vir Christelik e-posse, stuur 'n e-pos aan:  christelik-eposvriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/christelik-eposvriende

 

 

 

Friday, June 4, 2010

Appels

 

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales

convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be

home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner.

 

In their rush, with tickets and brief-cases, one of these salesmen

inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of baskets of

apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they

all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed

boarding. All but one. He

paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and

experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had

been overturned.

 

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved goodbye, told one of

them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and

explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal

where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

 

He was glad he did.

 

The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears

running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time

helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about

her, no one stopping, and no one to care for her plight.

 

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put

them into the baskets, and helped set the display up once more. As he

did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and

bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

 

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl,

"Here, please take this $20 for the damage we did. Are you okay?"

 

She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't

spoil your day too badly."

 

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called

out to him, "Mister...." He paused and turned to look back into those

blind eyes.

 

She continued, "Are you Jesus?"

 

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way

to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing

about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?"

 

Do people mistake you for Jesus?

 

That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people

cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that

is blind to His love, life and grace.

 

 

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would.

Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church.

It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day. You are the

apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He

stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called

Calvary and paid in full for

our damaged fruit.

 

 

Let us live like we are worth the price He paid.

 

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  Christian e-mails, send a message to:  Christian-ePosVriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Christian-ePosVriende

Om aan te sluit vir Christelik e-posse, stuur ‘n e-pos aan:  christelik-eposvriende-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/christelik-eposvriende

 

 

Worldcup Security Brief

 

 

Yesterday afternoon I attended the World Cup security brief held at the Consular section and presented by Mr Aubrey Pieters. Those of you who have attended the security courses at the BHC when you first arrived will be aware of his pedigree and his background as an independent security advisor. It was an interesting brief which was well received by both the black and the white faces in the audience.

Due to the large number of Police (SAPS) that will be required to actually police the event, the criminals and the security advisors are aware that the World Cup period is going to be like another holiday period for the criminal fraternity. The SAPS will be concentrating on the areas most frequented by visitors/tourists. These will be at the Football stadiums, the Fan parks, ORT airport, hotels in the cities and the routes to the stadiums. This leaves the criminals to have a free run at the suburbs! The criminals are fully aware of this too. They understand that the reaction time for SAPS to get to an incident will be long - if they come at all.

The crimes that will increase are home invasions, driveway robberies and carjacking at your home.

Home invasions. These are likely to take place when the criminals see a number of cars in driveways of homes. This would indicate that there are a group of friends watching a match who will be distracted. Normally alcohol is involved and there is usually a door open where the guys have been at the BBQ. They will attempt to jump the fence or get into the property and rob everyone of their personnel effects.

Carjackings. No change to the normal brief from Aubrey. Gangs will target women (normally) in a supermarket and inform other gang members who are in the car park waiting to follow you home. The advice is to pay attention to who else turns the same way as you do at junctions. The car tailing you is likely to be 3 or 4 cars back. If you think you are being tailed head to a petrol station or large shopping centre and get out the car and phone for help. Do not try to get home and get in the front gate. Either phone ADT and get them to meet you somewhere or better still phone the Dip Police. They will not be involved in football match security..

Driveway robberies. Be very aware of who or what is in your street or outside your house when you approach it. If somebody is loitering or if you pass a car with one or two occupants apparently sat idly, do not enter your drive.. Always pull up parallel to your drive and open the gate. Never pull up in front of the gate and then open it. That will be the time when you get boxed in by the car full of trouble and you wont have much time to react. They are then likely to steal what you have on you (wallets, purses, rings, mobile phones, laptops etc) and then shoot off or worst still get you to open the house and go in with you.

For those of you who are going to the games, the trouble you are likely to come across will be either a few drunken yobs looking for a fight or pickpockets. The security agencies are aware that major public gatherings like the World Cup will attract international pickpockets from around the world. These guys are experts and you will not know that it has happened until many hours later.  Gents wallets are normally kept in the back right pocket of trousers. Move it. Split your money and cards. Be careful.

Smash and grabs will increase too. Tourists will leave cameras, phones and bags on car seats. Rich pickings for the smash and grab gangs. If you don’t already have the smash and grab film on your car windows go and get it done now. If you can’t afford it, the advice is to drive with your windows down about half an inch. This makes it 4 times harder to smash the window.

For those with children the World Cup is going to be a particularly bad time for child abductions. In South Africa there are 15 abductions/kidnappings every day and they see this as a crime which will get out of hand over the World Cup period. Human trafficking gangs know that the schools are all on holiday over the tournament. They will target shopping malls, cafes, cinemas, public toilets and toy departments in shops. The SA authorities estimate that approx 300,000 Africans will come over the borders for the tournament. The borders will not be able to cope with the surge and checks will be cursory in most cases. Babies will be abducted for scrupulous adoption agencies in Nigeria and the like. Children aged 4-8 will be targeted for the porn industry. Those children around 9 -13 for prostitution.

 Keep an eye on your children! Do not send them off to the toilets alone. Do not let them go to the toy section while you do the rest of your shopping.

Please pass this on to your families (if they can cope with it).

The Key message is that crime is likely to increase and the response by the Police will be slow. Stay alert and street wise and you should be fine.

M P BOYLE
Major
Staff Officer Coordination
British Peace Support Team
(South Africa)

Tel:  +27 (0) 12 674 5082
Fax: +27 (0) 12 674 5084
Cell: +27 (0) 83 449 3534

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Mini PC

Mini PC.jpg

 

ViewSonic has announced U.S. availability for its new handy VOT125 mini-PC. Coming with a quartet of ultra-low-voltage processor options from Intel to help cut down on power draw and benefiting from Windows 7 Home Premium, its petite dimensions may well see the unit being squeezed into the tightest nook of limited home and office space.

ViewSonic is obviously hoping to tap into the eco-friendly home/business computing market, as they note that the VOT125 "uses up to 90 percent less plastic and consumes up to 90 percent less energy than traditional tower PCs."

Making room for the teeny 1.5 x 5.1 x 4.5 inch unit shouldn't pose too much of a problem, but the inclusion of a VESA monitor mount offers the possibility of a totally PC-free working area.

 

Mini PC2.jpg

 

http://www.eposvriende.com

To join for  News that is Funny, Interesting or Weird, send an e-mail to: news-funny-weird-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or Visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/news-funny-weird

Om aan te sluit vir Nuus wat Laf, Interessant of Weird is, stuur ‘n e-pos aan: snaaks-subscribe@yahoogroups.com  

Of besoek: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/snaaks

 

 

 

Parking problems

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.  Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.  Forgive us our trespasses.'

 

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this

note: I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.  Lead us not into temptation.'

 

 

www.eposvriende.com