Friday, July 13, 2012

What pets write in their dairy




Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

       

n  8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
n  9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
n  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
n  10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
n  12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
n  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
n  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
n  5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
n  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
n  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
n  11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
         
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
 
   
       
Day 983 of my captivity...
n  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. 
n  Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
n  The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
n  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards.
n  There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
n  Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
n  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.
n  The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now................
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(As jy by die Afrikaanse groep aansluit, sal jy outomaties ook die Engelse e-posse ontvang. Dit is nie nodig om by albei aan te sluit nie)


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