What pets write in their dairy

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......         n  8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! n  9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! n  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! n  10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! n  12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! n  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! n  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! n  5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favourite thing! n  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! n  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! n  11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!           Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...              Day 983 of my captivity... n  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.  n  Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. n  The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. n  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards. n  There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. n  Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. n  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded. n  The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now................

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