I've sure gotten old

 

"I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 
Have bouts with dementia; have poor circulation;  hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license."

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied.  'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
     
Random thoughts -

"Know how to prevent sagging?  Just eat till the wrinkles fill out."

"It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker."

"These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'


Overheard: "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.  
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be."